Ms. Vagina

           

            She often wonders how her perception of women would've been, had she been born a few centuries earlier, or a few hundred years forward. "She would have been, in the first place, dark like Lady Bexborough, with a skin of crumpled leather and beautiful eyes."(7MD) That would really make her stand out, and be different.  In reality though, Ms. Vagina is happy that she is living in this 21st century, the here and now; this century that is full of innovations, life, and color and relative freedom.  She is lucky to be European, lucky enough to choose whom she wants to marry and not be forced into an arranged one.  In the old days, most women were just mothers and wives and did the basic house chores.  Their judgment was not taken into account.  Their education was neglected and they were taught from a young age that they need to give undivided attention and serve those around them, and then they will be rewarded with a "good" man; meaning a husband.  After acquiring the husband, they would've had reached their goal. Some like Miss Havisham in the novel 'Great Expectation' by Charles Dickens couldn't start their life again after being rejected by the suitor.  She sat around in her old age still dressed in the bridal gown waiting and waiting and waiting.  Ms. Vagina is different, she doesn't need a man; she would like one in her life to share her joys and to also take away some of her loneliness, but she doesn't need one; her survival doesn't depend on her having a permanent man beside her. She passes by Daunt bookshop on Marylebone high street and smiles to herself.  She sees various books displayed in the window from different authors, all relating to women; from past 'A vindication Of the Rights of Woman', to the recent ' The Vagina Monologues'.  Ms. Vagina is pleased to see the world slowly changing around her; books are being written by women for women.  Literature finally stressing the importance of women voicing their thoughts, their expectations, and their needs. As she looks at the display with sheer pride, she acknowledges the academic gap between men and women getting smaller; women’s intellect is gaining power, their minds sharpened; thanks to education, and a small minority of men.  For a fraction of a second she questions in her mind the saying, "it's a man's world".  She immediately realizes that the battle is not over, and the show must go on. Women like her all over the world have to still establish their firm position in life based on their principles, virtues and ethics; not on their beauty.  

            Ms. Vagina insists on being called 'Ms.', as she never wants anyone to know whether she is married or single. "I know what I don't want to become."(5J). She is beautiful in her own way.  Her complexion is like an "English rose", she even smells like one; but she doesn't dress like one.  Ms. vagina doesn't want to give things away; she will say only what she wants you to know, but she doesn't allow acquaintances to delve into her privacy.  She dresses conservatively because she doesn't want to be judged by the way she looks; she wants men to listen to her and not be distracted by her beautiful cleavage.  So yes, she might be financially independent, but she is not free to wear what she wants and say what she wants when she wants.  If Ms. Vagina did that, she will be scorned, judged by her peers and society as whole.  She has worked hard to avoid oppression at home, and even harder at keeping her soul intact.  It is not an easy matter integrating your believes and principles with the necessities of such a fast moving world.  Ms.vagina always remembers her mother's advise, which she never really took notice of.  What does her mother know of what she really wants?  Conversation with her mother was always like a "psychodrama" class. (124TBM) Should she feel shame that she wasn't able to fit into society the way her mother wanted her to?  Ms. Vagina shakes her head disapprovingly.  Of course, she is her own person, her own self; she will not be a slave to any man, not even her father.   Even if she were to listen to her mother for an instance, she would be leading her to the most expensive plastic surgeons on Harley Street; She hisses in an almost audible voice, that there is nothing wrong with slight imperfections.  She knows that "women are being 'eroded' by 'lifestyle variations'."(115TBM) Why can't her mum understand that? Why can't her friends and colleagues understand that? It's not just holding out on to your individuality, it's holding on to your self.  It takes a strong character not be pulled in with the tide; to be a slave to fashion and be botoxed at every occasion.  She doesn't want to grow old alone but she doesn't want to succumb to what they call this "beauty myth".  What would great writers like Margaret Atwood, or Virginia Woolf make of her life?  She smiles again at the thought; at the scene when she told her parents that she was changing her name from Ms. Smith to Ms. Vagina.  Her mother kept wringing her hands together as if she was" washing her hands" from her daughter; very much like Lady MaCbeth and her obsession with washing the blood away. "Out, damned spot! Out I say!".  Out, Out damned daughter, Out I say.  Her mother, however, remained calm, like is expected of a lady.  Her dad took the decision to disown her.  He couldn't see why his daughter wanted a name change; didn't understand the decision.  She didn't understand why they didn't understand; "I can't bear it, to have been erased like that."(240THT).  When she didn't budge from her decision to name herself Ms. Vagina, "her father was no longer looking at her.  In his eyes she had become a used, finished woman." (99TVM) Ms. Vagina didn't really want to upset her father, but she wanted to give her vagina an identity. "If your vagina could talk, what would it say, in two words." (19TVM) She knows what hers would say.

Setting The Stage For Moving On Part II (based on 'a Vindication of the Rights of Women'

Many works have been written about women and their place in society.  Women are given the most sacred job in the world, being mothers, giving birth and rearing children, yet when it comes to giving them authority outside this domain, they are regarded with skepticism.  In society they remain the weaker sex, dependant either on their fathers or their husbands.  This seems to be a universal outlook on women, although it is more deeply rooted in different societies.  Mary Wollstonecraft argues in her book 'A Vindication Of The Rights Of Woman’, that the perception of women would change with education. She stresses the importance of educating women not just for improving their status in society, but as a necessity for the progress of civilization. For as women sharpen their mind, their bodies will get stronger, and this will result in creating a healthier and a smarter women; a friend to her husband rather than "the humble dependent of her husband". (25). However this progress is halted by the educational system and books written for women by men.  They portray them as creatures "only anxious to inspire love" when as Wollstonecraft continues, " they ought to cherish a nobler ambition, and by their abilities and virtues exact respect."(2) If women were to have a better education and the same civil opportunities as men, then most likely they will become less emotional, instead of being "degraded by being made subservient to love or lust."(21) Women are capable (and have risen) of rising to the same intellect as men, which is more important to the growth of society than being emotional and dependent.  They can be either a slave or a tyrant, and with a "mistaken education", women tend to play on their weaknesses and become manipulative. (27)"Women, deluded by these sentiments, sometimes boast of their weakness, cunningly obtaining power by playing on the weakness of men; and they may well glory in their illicit sway, for, like Turkish bashes, they have more real power than their masters..."(41) It seems the men accept manipulative women, because they can understand her weaknesses, but are at a loss when confronted with a strong woman who can argue her case logically and intellectually.  Such a woman doesn't fit the stereotypical image, and therefore are shunned.  It is essential for men to understand that hard working intellectual women does not mean that these women have rejected their feminine virtues.  

Setting The Stage For Moving On (based on 'a Vindication of the Rights of Women'

It seems that despite all the progress we have accomplished in technology, society is still behind on how they perceive women.  It allows the man to be promiscuous but not the women.  In Genesis 2:22, it states "Then the LORD God made woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man."  This attitude of bringing the woman to the man has prevailed till now.  Women are "made slaves", (p68), and on questioning why they were created, the conclusion becomes "to enable man to acquire the noble privilege of reason, the power of discerning good from evil, whilst we lie down in the dust from whence we were taken, never to rise again."  Women in general have to multi task; be a wife, a friend, a housekeeper, a lover and a mother while also holding out a career.  This is why they often don't have the time to "rise" especially the girls who "have been weakly educated...and are left by their parents without any provision.."  This automatically puts the wife on an unequal footing in the relationship, and may result in her harboring bitter feelings towards the husband, as she feels controlled and dependent on him.  Ultimately, it is every person's dream, man or women, to feel financially independent.  With financial independence, confidence grows, and with that more achievements are reached. "How much more respectable a woman who earns her own bread by fulfilling any duty, than the most accomplished beauty", (103).   However, in the work place, we find that many women earn less than their men counterparts, although they might be doing a better job. Is it because subconsciously, even women, feel they need to be taken care of by men?  If this is all they have ever known, then it will take "some time to convince women that they act contrary to their real interest on an enlarged scale..(49).  Time has shown us that it has been a continuous and unending struggle for women to break free from the "rooted prejudices" that chain them.  They also need to believe that there is a higher calling than marriage, and once married, the marriage should be based on her personal growth as well not just her husband's.  This idea will eventually sink in the minds of women, as long as they continue to be "rationally educated." (41)

Appreciation For The Vagina

Women's vaginas want to be heard, acknowledged and respected.  It seems that in the man's world, it is harder for vaginas to be understood.  Men in general don't separate the vagina from the one.  If a woman is attractive, they presume that's what counts.  They will look at all her body and how they can use it to please themselves and not necessarily how they can please the women in her most private and intimate part.  Most men get on with the pleasurable part of sex, without looking at the vagina.  Going back to the witch's trial back in 1593, the married lawyer investigating the case, "discovered a clitoris for the first time; identified it as a devil's teat, sure proof of the witch's guilt."(31) It is astonishing that he has not looked closely at his wife, and if he had, would he also label her as a witch?  While interviewing women between the age group of 65 and 75, Eve Ensler realized that with regards to vaginas not much has changed since the 1550's for these women.  She concludes that "..most women in this age group had very little conscious relationship to their vaginas."(23) This is why, it is important for women to speak more about their vaginas, to say the word out loud, although vagina "never sounds like a word you want to say. It's totally ridiculous, completely unsexy word."(5) During sex it is not mentioned, but other words like "cunt" and "pussy" are acceptable and there mention sometimes arouses men.  This is perhaps that these words invoke sex and are a bit derogatory, and in a bizarre way they put back the women in a place where she is looked at solely for sexual pleasure.  This relates to the women whose husband wanted her to shave her vagina hair.  She didn't like doing it because it made her feel like a little girl and yet the husband insisted on it.  He had "screwed around" because he was looking at the vagina just to satisfy his needs and not admiring it for what it was or for whom it belonged to.  Eventually, when the wife agreed to have him shave the hair, he did it in a very inconsiderate manner, and did not notice that he made her bleed and feel uncomfortable.  It also did not stop him from cheating on her.  Most women are uncomfortable talking about vaginas, so men are not made aware that they need to be sensitive in attacking this issue.  "Andy drove me home and he never said another word and when I got out and closed his car door, I closed the whole store. Locked it. Never opened for business again."(28) Women need to overcome their issues and concerns about the vagina, and must not think that because it is hidden inside their bodies, it should remain hidden.  The more the vagina is discussed out in the open, society will find "alternatives to the old patriarchal dualism of feminine/masculine, body/mind, and sexual/spiritual that is rooted in the division of our physical selves into the 'the part we talk about' and the 'part we don't'."(Xvi)

Discovering The Vagina

The Vagina Monologues are a rare treat on the inner thoughts of women.  Things women would not have dreamt of saying out loud, come out in a series of interviews done by the author Eve Ensler.  The interviews are so intimate; it is as if speaking to the women's private parts, and the things they would say if they had a voice.  In these interviews, the vagina has a voice, and it speaks of all the different ordeals it is subjected to; genital mutilation, menstruation, rape and have happier experiences orgasms and births.  The words seem to flow as if "it was like this force of passion, this river of life just flooded out of me."(27).  Once the vaginas started talking they had so many stories to tell, and they camped together in solidarity to tell the world of all the things that happen to them.  In order to be heard the vagina "needed a context of other vaginas- a community, a culture of vaginas.  There's so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them...(5) the darkness started unfolding with the stories of the rape camp in Bosnia.  During the war, like most wars worldwide, men raped women, and sometimes many men raped the same women regardless of age.  The women felt shameful and scarred, they could scream, but how could their vagina scream? How can it say stop to such brutality, and how can women remain sane and controlled after such horrific ordeals?  "Women's sanity was saved by bringing these hidden experiences into the open, naming them, and turning our rage into positive action to reduce and heal violence."  (xv) Apart from the violence the vagina is subjected to, be it rape or genital mutilation, there is also the biological aspect of the menstrual cycle.  Tampons are hard to deal with and most women wonder why not lubricate them in a way that will make it easier on the women to insert it in their vagina's.  It's as harsh as the cold tools the gynecologists use when examining the vagina.  It seems that nobody up till now thought of the vagina or of its identity. Most men tend to think of the vagina as purely sexual, while Lesbians insist that it's not just sexual but deeper than that.  For when they are playing with each other's vaginas, it's like touching themselves, "We notice our own". (116) The author herself was completely shocked, when after interviewing women about all the different things vaginas want to say, she realized that the only time she really understood what they about was when her daughter in law gave birth. "If I was in awe of them before the birth of my granddaughter, Colette, I am certainly in deep worship now."   

Appreciation For The Little Things In Life/ Shifts In Perspectives Part 2

At Jezebel's one of the first things that Offred takes notice to is the way all the women present themselves. She recounts, "all wear makeup, and I realise how unaccustomed I've become to seeing it, on women because their eyes look to big to me, too dark and shimmering, their mouths too red, too wet, blood-dipped and glistening, or on the other hand too clownish"(247). I think if she were to look at such a scene during pre-Gilead times nothing would really stand out to her. However with the lack of freedom and the current subjugation to women in Gilead, her perspective of the past is once again altered. She begins to question, "is there joy in this?"(247). "All you have to do, I tell myself is keep your mouth shut and look stupid"(247). Atwood's tone during this scene is patronising. When she goes to the hotel room with the commander she is unable to feel any sort of romanticism, as Gilead outlaws the freedom essential to passion, she instead lies on the bed "like a dead bird"(267). 

Deep into Offred's and Nick's sexual relationship, Offred talking about Nick states the desire to "see what can be seen of him, take him in, memorise him, save him up so I can live on the image: later: the lines of his body, the texture of his flesh, the glisten of sweat on his pelt...(281). She is making the most of her sexual relationship with Nick so she can pleasure herself in the unpredictable future. She regrets not doing the same with Luke. "... I didn't and he's fading. Day by day, night by night he recedes, and I become more faithless"(281). She regrets not paying attention to every detail, to really take in time to appreciate every bit of making love, of the body and skin. With the oppressive totalitarian theocracy set in place, it encourages Offred to take the most of every chance of liberty and pleasure she receives, whether that is making love with Nick or playing scrabble. And with this new form of sponging up reality she becomes enlightened in the way that she develops opinions that differ from her life before the creation of Gilead. The more she exposes herself to the oppressive nature of Gilead, the more she tries to remember her past in order to justify the present. 

Making sense of it all: Grandmother Interview/ Reflection

My grandmother was born in Nablus, West Bank, in 1934.  She came from a family of 8, and she herself nurtured five children into this world.  Her childhood home was filled with delicious food aromas, and the family always united around the kitchen and food time.  Her mother never asked her for help and her job was never ending.  It was like she almost worked 24 hours a day.  No wonder that " 61 to 85 percent of women, a 1944 survey found, certainly did not want to go back to housework after the war". (63)  Housework never ended, whereas a job outside the house was regulated by fixed hours.  However, having a job outside the home, did not stop women from continuing to take care of their household.  They ended up working in the office during the day and at home in the evening.  "Housework totals forty billion hours of France's labour power.  Women volunteer work in the United States amount to 18 billion dollars a year....the economics of industrialised countries would collapse if women didn't do the work they do for free....". (23)

 Going back to my grandmother's childhood, it was spent doing simple things, like going to the cinema in secret, or singing and dancing with friends.  She had a uniform at her all girl's school, ( blue skirt and white shirt), so not much time was given on what to wear.  She never got into trouble although sometimes her own grandfather would tell her to wear a headscarf.  She never did, and her clothes outside school was casual, but trousers were never worn, despite the fact that she toured the farms with her family.  Often she used to help her seamstress aunt and create her own clothes.  There was not much exposure around, so she and her friends did not have a foreign figure to look up to.  My grandmother used to admire her Arabic teacher for her confidence and originality.   Women's magazines in Arabic were almost non existent.  "Women's magazines are the only products of popular culture that (unlike romances) change with women's reality and take women's concern seriously". (71) So current women concerns in the 1930's and 40's were not discussed.  Also there was no television, just BBC radio channel, that stimulated their visual imagination and increased my grandmother's interest in Politics.  To this day, she is an avid reader of newspapers and political magazines and have never seen her buy a Fashion magazine although she is up to date for fashion at her age.  

Times have really changed.  Emphasis has moved from the home to the outside world now.  In the old days (according to my grandmother), all women looked pretty and natural.  They didn't have to rush anywhere or aspire to look like anybody else.  Instead, to bring out their beauty, they highlighted their best assets and always had a relaxed aura about them.  Nowadays, women are stressed, overworked, pressured into things, and therefore their moral on tired days is down.  "The closer women come to power, the more physical self-consciousness and sacrifice are asked of them. "Beauty" becomes the condition for a women to take the next step". (28)  As a result of their exhaustion, women are continuously looking at products and ways to make them look less tired, younger, and eventually happier.  They are constantly reminded by shop windows, magazine covers, even pharmaceutical products of the importance of taking care of your looks.   Advertisements are geared toward making women feel that they are inadequate if they don't follow certain steps.  "In providing a dream language of meritocracy(get the body you deserve", "a gorgeous figure doesn't come without effort", entrepreneurial spirit "make the most of your natural assets",)....keep women consuming their advertisers' products in pursuit of the total personal transformation in status that the consumer society offers men in the form of money." (29)  It seems that one has to defy nature, and that if you are "worth it", as the L'Oreal add always suggest, then you should aim for the perfect body and the perfect hair and make up.  These adds work on women's low self esteem, that surfaces after seeing such ads over and over again.  Without these ads, women would probably still purchase certain products but not with such intensity.